The Egyptian investigation into the crash of the Russian passenger plane is finished. Originally expected to take forever to complete, Egypt, using the most sophisticated technology, such as reading tea leaves and sniffing donkey dung, has confidently come to the conclusion that Santa Claus was to blame. More specifically, based upon radar intercepts and eyewitness testimony Egypt asserts that there was a midair collision between the plane and Santa’s sleigh which was in the air on a pre-Christmas practice run. Evidently, villagers near the crash site saw flying reindeer (which they mistook for camels that had eaten too many garbanzo beans) pulling a sleigh (which they mistook for a chariot) holding Santa Claus (which they mistook for a grossly overweight Moses). The eyewitnesses said it appeared that the sleigh had stalled and that Santa was throwing gift wrapped boxes overboard to lighten the load in an effort to gain altitude. However, it was not enough to avoid being hit by the Russian plane. The last reported sound was a deep voice bellowing Ho-Ho-Ho-Holy Shit. One villager reported that his favorite goat was mortally wounded by a falling antler. In any event, Egypt wants the world to know it was not an act of terrorism and that they take tourist safety seriously.